Are you a big loser?

Answer the following question honestly. This morning, having dressed in a suit and your favourite shortsleeved shirt, did you then shove your belongings into a plastic bag and run for the bus (because, as it happens, you have not yet got around to taking your driving test)?

And when you got to the office, somewhat out of breath because you are so unfit, did you then order a latte from the local café and promise yourself that you would start attending that exercise class you signed up for? And then spend the rest of the day bitching about your boring job?

Oh dear. You are - in case you have not realised it already - woefully uncool. You spend your time indulging in activities in which there is no dignity. None at all. You are a hopeless case.

We know this because Esquire magazine has told us so. The latest issue features the definitive list of "things there is no dignity in", and it makes for some very sorry reading.

Well, it does if you are the sort of person who thinks it is all right bringing a packed lunch to work, or riding a fold-up bicycle, let alone committing such unforgivable sins as wearing shoes with Velcro straps.

If you are feeling brave, or are so sophisticated that you would never own a suitcase with wheels, read on for the worst faux pas on Esquire's list.

If not, you can at least console yourself with the knowledge that, however bad your job is, at least you do not spend your day sitting round a magazine office dreaming up daft lists.