The Houses of Bar-liament

There are Thames views, tidal quantities of cheap beer and no shortage of bar bores. In one of the great misconceptions of our times, Westminster Palace is best known as a Parliament, but for many, it is just one big boozer.

The place has 13 restaurants and eight permanent bars and, in the past eight months, beer consumption (Federation Ale at £1.60 a subsidised pint) has doubled.

Our legislators now hose back 2,500 pints of bitter a month, inspiring Rochford and Southend East's Tory MP Sir Teddy Taylor to complain about the "multitude of drinking dens" emptying the Commons Chamber. The drinking trend, said the teetotaller, was "very sad, the start of a great tragedy".

Does Tony Blair ever look in for a quick one? The Prime Minister has been seen only once in the main Labour hangout, Strangers' Bar, staying just long enough to take a few sips from a half pint and ask one of his party's notorious boozers: "What are you doing here?" The reply: "Drinking, of course."

We offer the following guide to the Palace's many houses of liquid refreshment.

Strangers' Bar

"Westminster's best clearing house for gossip" or "a ghastly working men's club", depending on who you speak to. Known as "the Kremlin", such is its popularity with Labour MPs. Ran out of champagne when Peter Mandelson resigned as Northern Ireland Secretary. In good weather, drinks can be taken onto the Commons Terrace (which, in addition, has its own cafeteria).

Regulars: Labour "ladettes" Helen Clark and Jane Griffiths. Lib-Dem leader Charles Kennedy (good customer). Occasional visits from John Prescott, Gordon Brown.

Annie's Bar

Named after a pre-war barmaid, it is open to MPs and lobby reporters. Airless and so small the pool table does not really fit. Some say it has a curse. The death of many regulars seems to bear that out.

Regulars: old-time trade unionists and the indomitable Paul Routledge of the Daily Mirror.

Members' Smoking Room

So grand it was derided as the "toffs' bar" by former Tory MP Richard Needham (himself the Earl of Kilmorey). Open only to MPs, it is not strictly a bar but a room with an alcohol "servery". Always busy before dinner ( G& Ts) and during late debates (claret). "Similar to the bar of a St James's club," says one habituÈ, "or it was until Labour introduced a television."

Regulars: Transport Secretary Alistair Darling, shadow foreign secretary Michael Ancram and most other Tories over 50.

Press Bar

At its busiest just after deadline times. Fills up once a month for the press gallery lunches.

Regulars: Fleet Street's finest, Tory spin doctors Nick Wood and Mike Penning and the braver of their Labour counterparts.

Pugin Room

Waitress service and a civilised air make this a favourite for MPs when entertaining constituency worthies or major donors. Officially part of the House of Lords (hence red carpet-but has been colonised by the Commons (hence green furniture).