Spy high drinking at Rebato's

Those of us who have played the game - obviously, I can't go into details here; let's just say my old university tutor's invitations to 'do some work' were never to be taken at face value - spluttered into our martinis at the Special Forces Club in Knightsbridge when, last year, a poor MI6 fellow had lost his laptop during a relaxed evening in a Stockwell tapas bar. Afterwards, apparently, he couldn't remember if he'd left it in the bar or the local minicab office. Minicab office?

More recently, we had the bombshell that Richard Tomlinson was actually sacked from MI6 for taking a pint of Foster's to the other side of the terrace at Vauxhall Cross, away from colleagues, and drinking it 'on his own'. (Clearly, 'to the other side of the terrace' - like 'lost his laptop' - may be code here, but the serious point remains: Foster's? In the MI6 bar?)

What the hell is going on? How do we know that our security forces aren't also turning up for meetings with their smart American cousins wearing shell-suits and belching loudly throughout?

We don't. It's frightening. Clearly, it is now the duty of each of us to watch the watchers, remind them that London has a proud tradition for espionage with style, and make sure they're not letting the side down.

Unfortunately, my request to visit the MI6 bar 'for review purposes' is eventually turned down. So we decide to begin our investigation into the investigators at the tapas bar where that poor chap mislaid his memory. Just a short grenade's throw from Vauxhall, Rebato's is in Stockwell; it may present an undeniably drab fa?ade to the world, but step through the back door and - lo! - you are back in old Spain.

No, really - there's a beautiful, old tiled floor, imposing marble bar, graceful, ornate ceiling, and a general air of sunny Hispanic serenity. Moreover, the staff are attired in proper, old-fashioned black-and-white uniform and are a delight: charming, courtly, efficient. You are shown to a table in the (quiet) bar, where you can sample very good tapas and reasonably priced Torres wine, or you can enjoy full ? la carte in the surprisingly grand dining-room at the back. This was where MI6 was actually holding a retirement party on the day that news of the laptop-loss broke.

Rebato's is a joy and good value, and you simply feel sorry for the laptop-loser: such good taste in bars, so easy to get drunk here, and no retirement party for him.

Rebato's
169 South Lambeth Road, SW8 1XW