Not so Loch Fyne

This summer I took my two young children on a trip on my Dad’s little fishing boat in Cornwall.

Within a few minutes the line went taut and we reeled in. As it came towards the surface I could see that our first catch was not the silvery, shiny glint of a mackerel or a sea bass that we hoped for, but the sludgy brown of a pollack with it’s horrible, bulging eyes.

A third cousin, twice removed, of the majestic cod, and a pretty ugly one at that, the pollack is good for cat food. At a push you might put it in a fish pie. Its greyish flesh is squidgy and loses what little flavour it has once cooked. I’ve been catching them, and throwing them back, since I was a toddler.

But on returning to London what do I find? A new scheme at the Loch Fyne chain of fish restaurants called The Alternatives, and they’re selling not only pollack but also whiting and that Lada of the fish world, the grey gurnard.

This I had to see. The Loch Fyne restaurant in Covent Garden has all the charm of an All Bar One with dreadful paintings trying to evoke Scotland.

I started with salt and pepper squid with chili and coriander. Squid isn’t robust enough to be coated in such stodgy, greasy breadcrumbs and a plonk of chili and lemongrass on top. It was all such a scuffle in the mouth and on the plate it looked like mum had been to Iceland — and gone for the bargain freezer at that.

Luckily I had ordered a single rock oyster and it was heavenly. Loch Fyne oysters are very good. Then, ta-daa! The pollack arrived. Draped over the top of a pile of mash like a discarded tramp’s overcoat, it was, as predicted, tasteless, squidgy and an off-putting grimy grey colour.

The kitchen is obviously well aware of this as they had covered it in a potent mustard and cream sauce.

As is the (annoying) fashion these days, waiters kept asking me if I was enjoying my lunch. I smiled and nodded as much as anyone could who’s being charged good money to eat bait.

The fruit salad had strawberries in it. In September? Doesn’t that make a mockery of the sustainable, environmentally friendly school of cooking?

The pollack costs £10.50 and I found out that Loch Fyne are paying £7 a kilo for the skanky beasts. I bet the fishmongers can’t believe their luck. Given that they probably get about five servings out of that, it’s a healthy profit for Loch Fyne, too.

The policy of promoting less well-known, more sustainable fish is admirable but the problem is that many of the less wellknown fish have not appeared on our plates for many years for good reason. They’re revolting.

Put it this way. Just because rat isn’t as commonly known on a mixed grill as a sausage, it doesn’t wean we want to eat one.
www.lochfyne.com