Monday Man goes down the pub

They are almost exclusively male, number 3.5million and can be found only in their natural habitat - the pub - one night a week.

Meet Monday Night Man, a new species which has evolved with the onset of televised football.

Ten years ago, MNM did not exist and Mondays were the quietest nights of the week for landlords. Then, Sky began broadcasting live Premiership matches at the start of the week and the breed was born.

Today, following a population explosion, the species is a dominant presence in up to 37,000 pubs, clubs and bars throughout the country, according to new research.

Lecturer Annie Britton, of De Montfort University in the Midlands, said the species had survived a number of recent scares - such as the growing number of households subscribing to sports channels - and gone on to flourish.

Ms Britton attributed this to the 'big-screen' atmosphere, alcohol and the lack of family interference. She has even discovered a number of sub-species, including The Hugh Grant - a bumbling fool who keeps blocking the view.

The Owl gets the best spot in the house; Buster Bladder dare not go to the toilet for fear of missing the action while The Absentee keeps answering a call of nature.