Mixed marks for Liberty

Liberty is a deliciously ironic name to give a shop since nothing in it comes free – unless you count all the visual treats that are part and parcel of shopping there. There’s the pretty black and white half-timbered building, which looks like it’s been moved wholesale from Stratford-upon-Avon and always makes me feel I’ve stepped back a century. Or the fantasy golden ship, which can be glimpsed sailing high on the roof.

Liberty symbolises eccentric glamour and tradition. Long silk dresses worn with wellingtons. Incense and porcelain. Where colonial meets cutting-edge. Here ancient doyennes buy cushions; yet fashionistas swoop on the designer clothes crammed inside its carved wooden interior. It’s where I might stroll for a cup of tea if I happened to be in the area, but not somewhere I’d considered enjoying champagne and oysters. Mainly because I didn’t even know the oyster bar was there, and judging by its emptiness, I was not alone.

Given the lavishness of this store’s upper floors, you might wonder at the wisdom of putting a restaurant on the lower ground floor level at the back of the maze-like menswear department. It seems a little incongruous to sit enjoying that most louche combination of mollusc and fizz while looking at neat piles of shirts and racks of colourgraded jackets. A bit like having lunch in the dressing room of a rather rich and obsessive bachelor.

The room itself has obviously been modelled on a public lavatory (or perhaps the designer was just being ‘witty’ in the way that designers often are). Unfortunately, bare pipes with institutional white tiles is not an appealing look unless your name happens to be George Michael. And the place is very, very small. There are less than 20 stools set around the bar and just four two-seater tables, each bearing a comfortable maroon leather seat. But that’s one of its charms. Size isn’t everything.

Speaking of maroon, I was having lunch with a headhunter, which I always think is a peculiar job description, more savage-sounding than professional. It reminds me of Waugh’s A Handful of Dust when poor old Tony Last was marooned in the jungle with the natives tormenting him – like a version of Prime Minister’s Questions.

Grumbling slightly because business isn’t exactly booming, the headhunter arrived and chose fish soup because he wanted ‘comfort’ and warm soup always hits the spot. I started with oysters, spéciales de claires, which are my absolute favourite. I always have them when I’m in Paris but they tasted just as delicious here. They arrived with all the usual paraphernalia of raspberry vinegar and Tabasco, but I think they’re best served with a simple splash of lemon juice and generous grinding of black pepper. My only complaint was that they had already been loosened in their shells (I prefer to do it myself, thanks) and the lovely Irish soda bread was over-chilled, as was the butter. We chose main-course salads from a menu that is as compact as the room itself, but I quite like a limited menu since logically it means there’s a greater chance of all the food being fresh. I had a salmon fillet gravadlax with sweet dill mustard dressing. It was well-constructed and very nice, if unremarkable. My guest had hot smoked Loch Etive trout. His verdict? Fishy, tasty and as plump as the lips of Leslie Ash.

Surprisingly, you can buy only two kinds of champagne by the glass. We had the excellent rosé from Kent, which costs under a tenner, but there are prices to suit all pockets. You could splash out on a bottle of Krug Rosé NV, which would set you back £310. There are no desserts listed on the menu, but the sweet and extremely helpful Australian waiter told us that pudding can be sent down from the restaurant upstairs.

All in all, this is a restaurant that kind of misses the mark on almost every level, yet funnily enough, I really liked it. I can’t think of a quirkier way to while away a few hours than in this strange corner of Central London, enjoying sparkling rosé from Kent and plump oysters. As a venue for an interesting date, you would score top marks since it’s offbeat enough to guarantee plenty of conversation. Take a shy friend with you and help bring them out of their shell.

Liberty Champagne & Oyster Bar
Regent Street, W1B 5AH