Living up to its name

Lord preserve us from cutesy, in-yer-face restaurant names - all they serve to do is make me choke on the temptation to add to the bad pun fun. So is it aptly named? Oh yes. Clattery and loud at night, it was deserted on our lunchtime visit - we and a droopy, uninterested waitress provided the only life in a darkly decorated, hard-surfaced room in which nobody had even bothered to replace the burnt-out light bulbs.

Two mini blackboards were plonked in front of us by way of menus. Given the youthful, contemporary surroundings, the old school, trad-brasserie offerings come as something of a surprise. Done well, this kind of stuff is heaven; here, the cooking is as perfunctory as the service.

A couple of salads to start, one good (Roquefort, fig and walnut) and one execrable - mango paired with smoked haddock: thick, slimy slabs of raw, dyed, supermarket-quality smoked haddock. What were they thinking? My wild mushroom risotto had an unfortunate, regurgitated quality that left me retrospectively shuddering; bavette steak arrived grey instead of the requested, er, bloody, and came with thin, astringent pepper sauce. Chocolate fondant with - good - coconut ice cream was as solid as suet pudding.

Go back? Not bloody likely.

A meal for two with wine, water and service costs about £60. 149 Westbourne Grove W11. Tel: 020 7727 7770. Tube: Notting Hill Gate

Bloody French Cantine
Westbourne Grove, London, W11 2RS