High drama at the Haymarket Hotel

Slap bang in the West End is the latest boutique hotel from a chain whose lobbies resemble trendy theatre sets. So I wasn't entirely surprised to find myself at the Brumus bar sipping a glass of champagne (£11.75) and gazing up at a life-sized donkey made out of metal cogs.

Ordering dinner in a restaurant/bar lit by umbrella-shaped ceiling lamps was "very Mary Poppins", giggled my friend. The room's colours are so outrageously lurid that the chairs seem to heckle each other while super-friendly staff walk about in tomato or flamingo. Luckily, the food was easier to stomach.

The cuisine was Northern Italian and in portions the size mamma would force on you: my beautifully soft, salt-baked ocean trout, green beans, soft boiled egg and anchovies starter was generous enough to be a main (though at £9.50 maybe it should be). The menu was comfortingly familiar, but with the dishes done up in appetite-whettingly unfamiliar new ways.

My friend's duck crespella with cannellini beans and porcini (£16.50) turned out to be slightly over-crispy but wonderfully slow-cooked duck pancakes. It was all lipsmackingly sophisticated.

Admittedly, our £7.50 refrozen rum and raisin zuccotto ice cream with warm (it wasn't) chocolate sauce was not supercalifragilistic. But with so much kookiness around, Brumus should be a hit with anyone on an awkward first date: you'll never lack for conversation - even if you probably won't go back for an encore.

BRUMUS Haymarket Hotel, 1 Suffolk Place, SW1, 020 7470 4000 Meal for two with wine, water and service: £140

Brumus
1 Suffolk Place, Haymarket, SW1Y 4BP