'Gaystro' at the Green

'If you think coq au vin is a shag in a lorry, then this place isn't for you,' warns the PR blurb of this self-styled 'gaystro' pub.

Coupled with an awesomely naff ad campaign running in the pink media and a launch invitation incorporating a condom and a balloon, how could I resist this, er, classy, addition to Islington's burgeoning scene? Roping in my 'I'm the only gay in this village' mate, we head off on a bit of a bender.

Some effort and much dosh has gone into the interior, but a stark corridor of a room, flanked by a galley bar, feels like a Swedish Rail buffet car.

Unflattering lighting, a muddy sound system playing a far-from-Magic FM selection and bum-numbing stripy chairs at pokey tables shoved hard up against a run of angled mirror would benefit from a rethink. A rear lounge features impracticably low seating and is over-moodily lit.

An eccentric menu veers from (oh, how ironic) faggots in tomato sauce - blander than tinned meatballs - to fish pie with ceps, via cauliflower cheese, chargrilled squid on limp leaves and an OK spaghetti of crab with chilli - way too steep at £12 - while needlessly herbed moist cheeseburgers appear in buns that could use a workout.

Service is random and, like its bizarre feature mural depicting a forest of tree trunks, The Green seems too lost in the woods to register on the gaydars of more discerning boyz-around-towns.

A two-course meal for two with cocktail, glass of wine and service cost £63. 74 Upper Street N1. Tel: 020 7226 8895. Tube: Angel

The Green
74 Upper Street, N1 0NY