E8 revamp fails to impress

'No trainers, pushchairs, dogs or drugs. You are on CCTV,' is the gist of the door policy here.

As we are in Central Hackney, that'll be half your potential clientele bombed out, then? Given that, on a Wednesday evening, the six punters outnumber the staff by a ratio of 2:1, such exclusions may prove costly.

The revamped Central 1, 'a Phoenix risen from the ashes' (of a fire on the adjacent site) is a curious bird. A lilac interior housing suburban furniture, which might be from an end of series Brookside sale, speaks of the late 1980s, while a long menu, in need of severe editing, harks back to even more distant times, offering provincial favourites such as duck á l'orange and deepfried Camembert.

My spinach and bacon salad is mugged by a Roquefort sauce which conceals chunks of cremated chicken liver. Coddled quail eggs, lurking at the bottom of a ramekin, arrive virtually hard-boiled and are offered with a mound of industrial white toast.

Tender venison in vermouth sauce, served with green beans and disappointingly oily mash, does not need its fresh strawberry garnish, while my date's overdone steak au poivre is bludgeoned by the unwelcome attentions of Worcester sauce somewhere in the mix.

A shared mandarin mousse is flabby and dull. Wines, a Maáon blanc and a Merlot, are more palatable. In our quiet solitude, the ripe conversation of our lairy fellow diners is all too audible and might be lifted straight out of a sketch from Little Britain, the only demographic likely to be impressed by the Central 1 experience.

Central 1 Lounge Bar and Diner
1 Amhurst Road, E8 1LL