Dodging the French connection

Now that smoking is about to be outlawed in what appears to be the majority (but not all) of licensed premises, we can only wonder what the nannies of our state are going to legislate against next. Booze, perhaps?

I can see a time when alcohol will be banned from all enclosed public spaces (with the exception of those booze-only venues already exempt from the currently proposed antismoking legislation), fabric conditioner will become the moonshine of the day, and life will seem very long, indeed.

In the meantime, I'm considering starting my own campaign to ban Frenchstyle brasseries in London. Not that I have a problem with brasseries, you understand, it's just that these days, particularly in the capital, you're more likely to come across a fancy, faux-French foie gras parlour rather than a true brasserie - a fun, cheap and cheerful, casual venue that brews its own beer.

The L'auberge group - which is in the same stable as the Tup chain of pubs - has a small collection of middle-market venues, mostly Surrey-based, which are usually slightly gentrified real-ale pubs with a decent enough French food offering. They are nice enough places.

This venue, on the site of the former Fulham Tup pub, is a vast space, busily furnished with too many napiered tables and not enough people sitting at them. Unlike the other L'auberge eateries, this place seems to have wantonly abandoned the basic economic principles of supply and demand in coming up with a formula that almost deliberately mismatches the needs of the community it serves.

While I am sitting at the bar, a plasma screen TV conspires to entertain me (but fails because the volume is muted) as I consider the options from the three beer founts in front of me: Kronenbourg, Kronenbourg and Kronenbourg Blanc. Oh dear, and to think that the world is full of decent beers.

The 'grown-up', expensively priced main course dishes (duck breast £14.95, lamb stew £13.95) wolfed down with an ambitiously priced bottle of Côtes du Rhone (£19.95) make for an expensive pit stop. A lighter menu (served outside main-meal times, and during all opening hours in the bar area) offers the likes of a croque monsieur (£6.95), charcuterie plate (£9.50) and six oysters (£9.95-£12.50). A steak frites is £15.95.

I visited L'auberge on three occasions, one of which was immediately after the more enjoyable experience of undergoing root-canal treatment, and have come to the conclusion that you need an extremely high boredom threshold to endure this place for more than a few minutes per visit.

I'm guessing I will be going back again in the very near future - once the French have been banished to the other side of the Channel, that is.

Brasserie De L'auberge
268 Fulham Road, SW10