Do the Leicester Square crawl

It all seemed like a good idea at the time. Dad was locked away writing a speech, mum was off catching the rays in Portugal, and those GCSEs were finished. What better way for young Euan Blair to spend an evening than knocking back the alcohol in London's thriving Leicester Square? Then it all got a bit out of hand and young Euan found himself under the long arm of the law and in one whole heap of trouble?

Still, Master Blair chose a good spot for a tipple. Leicester Square might not be the hippest of the capital's drinking zones, but it's packed with plenty of watering holes for the thirsty boozer anxious to move from pub to pub quickly. Plus it's centrally placed, so you'll never have trouble getting a cab/Special Services limo home once the closing time bell has rung/the police have finished with you.

So if Euan ever wants to try Leicester Square again (in a couple of years, of course, because we wouldn't condone underage drinking - and we're not suggesting that any of these fine establishements would serve underage booze either), he'd be well advised to follow our cheeky pub crawl route. We've even lobbed in a couple of restaurants so he can stack up on food before he hits the sauce this time (you know what they say about drinking on an empty stomach).

Why don't you come too...

Faun and Firkin
18 Bear Street, 020-7839 3252

A long, thin, dimly lit boozer, just off the main square. Sadly most Firkin pubs no longer brew their own ales, but you should find a decent selection of beers here.

Euan Rating: 7/10. Firkin. Heh hey. That sounds a bit rude.

Zoo Bar
Bear Street

The sort of great tacky booze emporium that Leicester Square does so well. Comes complete with giant gold snake statue in the front window and bouncers on the door. Has a happy 'hour' from 4pm-7pm, serving bottles of beer at £2 and cocktail jugs at £7.50 a pop.

Euan Rating: 5/10. You ain't coming in 'ere with that fake ID, mate.

The Cork and Bottle
44-46 Cranbourn Street, 020-7734 7807

Upmarket winebar that proudly displays its Egon Ronay listing outside the front door. Probably a bit pricey for some, although for those seeking to line their stomachs for the night ahead it does do an appetising six cork oysters in a shallot and cider dip for only £6.60.

Euan Rating: 3/10. Wine? Eeurgh, dad drinks that.

Chiquito
20-21 Leicester Square, 020 7839 6925

Bright and breezy Mexican restaurant-cum-bar serving a decent range of Tex Mex food. Does a useful All You Can Eat offer between midday and 4pm, Monday to Friday for a bargain £5.95. Also does a kids' menu at £2.95 for those trying not to go over the pocket money budget. Gaudy red and yellow d?cor not ideal for those thinking of vomiting.

Euan Rating: 8/10. I'll have some nachos please.

The Moon Under Water
28 Leicester Square

A long thin bar with a large no-smoking area, so you won't be turning up at Downing Street (or wherever you live) stinking of fags. Wetherspoons often have cut-price beer deals, which is great for younger wallets. There's no music, however, so there'll be no Britney till you get home, young man.

Euan Rating: 8/10. I don't fancy passing out on that tiled floor. It looks a bit hard.

Capital Radio Caf?
29-30 Leicester Square

Home of London's commercial radio station of the same name. Firmly to the Camenbert side of cheesy (sample menu entry: Nachos Nachos - So Good They Named Them Twice), it's got a good range of fast food. It also does Piper Heidseick champers at £29.95 a 75cl bottle for those special celebrations.

Euan Rating: 5/10. Just because he's the PM's son doesn't mean he hasn't got taste.

All Bar One
48 Leicester Square

Ever-popular London bar chain, but one that provides pubs with about as much atmosphere as Queen Victoria's funeral. Huge front windows and bleached white wood surfaces dominate. A predominantly suit-wearing clientele.