Coiffeured cuisine

It's hard to wholly trust a chef as elaborately coiffed as Ian Pengelley. Either this was a hairdo that hadn't seen a lot of action over a hot stove, or Elnett should get him under contract pronto.

And it's especially hard to have faith in a man sitting two tables down from us, shaking his blond locks at a couple who, like all the clientele, are far more affluent-looking than we are. I don't begrudge the lack of schmooze - actually, I hate it when chefs loom over your table demanding to know how you enjoyed your food - but it did make me cross.

Not because he was giving it social butterfly instead of making my dinner but because we had, at that point, been waiting for more than an hour without so much as a sniff at a comestible.

Anyway, a bit of background. The eponymous Pengelley first came to prominence as the man in the kitchens of E&O, that Notting Hill pan-Asian establishment frequented by Heat fodder. Now he's got his own place (with the inevitable money men backers, including Gordon Ramsay) in what used to be Monte's where, trivia fans, Jamie Oliver used to hold the 'cool young blond dude in the kitchen' role.

It's been tarted up to within an inch of its life: surfaces are polished wood, colours are dim and sultry and there's an abundance of luxurious leather and textured upholstery. Lampshades are vast and underpowered, giving everyone a veneer of gorgeousness; or maybe everyone genuinely was gorgeous - it's that kind of place.

We roamed all over the East for our dinner. A translucent, garlicky dim sum dumpling and some salty, podded edamame beans sparked our interest. Unagi (eel) nigiri sushi came with smoky, cooked eel, perhaps as a sop to Western tastes; although the date still complained it tasted of Omega 3.

Unsurprisingly; this is a beast rich in essential oils. I found it seductively strongly flavoured, without being stridently fishy as eel can be, and unctuously good.

That mod-Japanese stalwart, tempura-ed crispy softshell crab roll, was stunning - sweet, moist meat; greaseless, crispy exterior; pearly rice.

Beef rending (aka rendang) was a sophisticated interpretation of the fragrant Indonesian stew; although slow-cooking had almost melted the meat, the spices were staggeringly fresh-tasting. And a sticky, caramelly stir-fry of pork hock was like eating addictively meaty sweeties, vinegar and chilli dressing adding judicious sharpness.

When we first arrived, the date and I agreed that if Pengelley's was a celeb, it would be Elizabeth Hurley: high maintenance, high profile, glossy, good-looking - but not as posh as it thinks it is. The lovely Elizabeth would probably find this the ideal spot to practise her 76 mouthfuls a day diet - the food is ravishing but portions are teeny. Actually, she'd probably manage a Burger King on the way home.