How to order in your own Christmas feast

motuindiankitchen.com

Daebak BBQ

Total: £70.59

Catering anything, aside from booze, for seven people is the stuff of nightmares — I’ve crumbled under the pressure of prepping my boyfriend a slice of toast (how charred is too charred?).

Daebak Korean is my favourite south-east London takeaway, and I was confident it could deliver under the pressure of a mass (£70!) order. We went for a mix of mains and sides to satisfy an assortment of omnivores, vegetarians, pescatarians and flexitarians (ugh, millennials). The seafood pancake was succulent — the batter was stuffed with octopus — and the bibimbap topped with a fried egg.

Being vegetarian I can’t vouch for the fried chicken but the speed with which it vanished (and the way it tempted the flexitarian) probably says more than I can. There was plenty of food, an assortment of sauces and it fed seven on £70. Bibimbap might not be traditional, but I’m so over mince pies at this stage.

daebakkoreanbbq.com

Ed’s Easy Diner

Total: £75.47

Christmas is about the ingredients: friends, turkey and the sound of Mariah Carey in the background. My flatmates and I ran out of time to cook a house Christmas dinner this year so instead we paused our Sunday night admin rituals at 6.30pm to huddle around a phone and place orders. Who wants to spend four hours slaving over a stove when you can scroll through a menu in 30 seconds? The decision was unanimous: five Christmas turkey burgers from Ed’s Easy Diner, mostly because pictures showed it in a red festive bun.

The order arrived 20 minutes later and the first surprise was the cardboard boxes, which popped open like a Christmas jack-in-a-box. Much to our excitement, the burgers were indeed red, and full of breaded turkey, sausage patty, cheese and, crucially, cranberry sauce.

It turned out that they had more than just Instagram potential: they were hot, perfectly presented and big enough to satisfy hungover stomachs without having to use cutlery. The best takeaway burger I’ve had — Ed, if you’re reading this, must you take it off the menu after Christmas? From now on in my flat it’s jingle buns all the way.

edseasydiner.com

Mamma Dough pizzeria

Total: £65.59

The halls were decked, the wine was mulled and the fridge wedged with cheese — the latter was promptly demolished, along with a tub of Jacob’s Treeselets and half a tin of Quality Street, shortly after the first guests arrived for my housewarming-slash-Christmas party on Saturday.

So thank goodness for pizza. As a small crowd gathered in my lounge and mystery liquors found their way into the mulling pot, I turned to Mamma Dough, the upper crust of south London’s pizzerias, via Deliveroo. In lieu of a dining table, pizza was the obvious, foolproof festive feast. One word of caution, though — beware giving your guests free reign with your app. Better to select one trustworthy attendee with excellent, democratic taste in pizza, otherwise you may end up with a surplus of exotic slices and a shortage of margherita.

mammadough.co.uk

Mother Clucker

Total: £77

If my friends won’t come for Christmas dinner, Christmas dinner will come to them. And Lo, Samuel of Peckham travelled to the East (Bethnal Green), wheezing on a bicycle, bearing tidings of comfort food and joy to three wise pals. As a host of Columbia Road carol singers wheeled a piano down the street, an immaculate dinner appeared, no cooking involved, by our Deliveroo rider, the angelic Gabriele.

The four of us gorged on Mother Clucker’s hefty portions. The Spitalfields restaurant’s menu is short and sweet but the taste of its dishes more than makes up for it. The chicken goes through a ritual hazing of tea brining, milk soaking and then twice-frying, but it was the mac ’n’ cheese that was the surprise hit. If that took gold, the chicken burrito was rated a creditable “frankincense” (surpassing expectations), while MC’s lucky black eyed peas was distinctly “myrrh” (fine, if you like that sort of thing). We slapped on a bit of Christian prog rock for the hell of it and crooned to Hark the Herald Angels Sing.

motherclucker.co.uk