The Almost Impossible Game Show, ITV2: how difficult is it really?

‘Six impossible things before breakfast’ is the upper limit of what the White Queen in Through the Looking Glass might believe – but her mind would be blown by the challenges that contestants are required to perform in The Almost Impossible Game Show.

The near-impossibility of the tasks is infuriating enough to disturb the most serene of minds.

What is impossible, without doubt, is performing any of these feats with any elegance – the very, very snug Lycra suits and outsized props robbing contestants of any dignity.

Or, in my case, the final microscopic, Trump-hand-sized smudges of propriety I possessed.

I was set two games while cocooned in hot fabric – first to take a tiny bike for a ride, and then remove croissants attached to my body. Even The Rubberbandits began to take pity on me.