Slow death

Sweet Jay-sus, what on earth is going on in the streets of Dublin's fair city? Using the eponymous song as a basis, the Irish Women's Theatre Company has illadvisedly come up with a piece about the life of the Emerald Isle's legendary fishmonger, which leaves absolutely no cliche unturned en route to the tragic finale described in the ballad's second verse.

The scene is 1900 Dublin, and the hated figurehead of British rule, Queen Victoria herself, is due for a visit. A Royal Commissioner has been newly appointed to deal with the city's eyesores, among which number Miss Malone and her fellow street vendors.

There follows what Hollywood film executives would undoubtedly pitch as a "Touching Tale of Triumph Over Adversity": the mean old pawnbroker is unceremoniously dumped in the river Liffey, countless starving "chizzlers" are forcibly removed from their parents, only to be touchingly reunited, and throughout it all the indomitable spirit of the noble poor, prone to burst into song at the drop of a Guinness bottle, shines through.

It's baffling that an Irish theatre company, of all people, should be happy to peddle such a stereotypical load of old cockles and mussels. Rosalind Scanlon, the director who marshals this devised piece, presents an eyewatering two-and-a -half hours of virtually identical street scenes. Trina Dillon's kindhearted Molly, who, unsurprisingly for a tale of this kind, has an ailing sibling and an alcoholic father as well as a nasty cough, is sweet enough, but hardly the stuff from which worldrenowned ditties spring.

If we're honest, we're simply waiting for a rousing rendition of The Song, which comes - and none too convincingly at that - right at the end. Those feeling in need of some shamrock spirit would do far better to serenade themselves over a pint or two in an Irish pub.

Until 4 January. Box office: 020 8237 1111.

Molly Malone The Musical