Audiences won't give a XXX

Every once in a while, a new sexual extravaganza comes to the London stage, and the chattering classes set up a warning chorus. In the old days, there was Hair and Oh, Calcutta, and more recently, we have been treated to the theatrical viagra of the Blue Room starring Nicole Kidman, and a series of mature actresses disrobing in The Graduate.

The latest production to test the nerve of the capital is XXX by a Spanish theatre group called La Fura Dels Baus. XXX is based on a book called Philosophy In The Bedroom by the Marquis de Sade. Advanced publicity suggested that this was going to be a truly subversive experience. The Marquis, we know, never did things by halves, and the Spanish have an excellent track record as libertines.

On arrival, my initial impression was that the audience was not comprised to any significant degree of sex maniacs. An ordered calm prevailed in the bar, and the consumption of wine and the occasional stuffed olive was measured rather than frantic. The stage had the look of one of those over-ambitious productions from the Seventies, where a series of cracks had appeared between imagination, budget and technical expertise.

It will be tedious to give a full account of the proceedings. The tone was set by the character of the Madame writing an anti-war message on a screen by means of a light pen inserted into her vagina. Her back was demurely turned.

Thereafter, there was one group effort, involving a video camera, that strongly suggested sodomy, and one occasion involving a hint of oral sex featuring the two males, who tended throughout to be the friskier performers. The two women preserved their essential dignity, one elegantly, the other coyly.

At one stage, a young man and a young lady were invited onstage from the audience. The young lady got away rather lightly, but the young man was at first subject to some orthodox female attention as she undid his flies but he did seem surprised to have a condom attached by one of the male performers. A woman performer then attempted a small bout of fellatio, the unaroused audience member backed away from these ministrations. Despite all this he took it all in good part appearing to be untraumatised by the experience.

They kept the best until last. The cast came on naked, each carrying a bag full of clothes. They then proceeded to perform a somewhat comical reverse Monty. Leaving on that note was almost worth the price of admission.

My feeling on reflection is that those who come to shock on stage are doomed to fail. Muddled messages of freedom through enslavement and degradation do not help in the titilation process. Do not attend this production hoping to raise anything more than a wry smile.

XXX