Cheap thrills and bum notes

It must have seemed a good idea as John Turturro scribbled notes for Romance & Cigarettes during lulls in his acting career. Who else, after all, has made a 'down and dirty musical love story' with a bevy of bankable stars to back it up?

But, alas, what looks great on paper sometimes works less well in reality. And this determinedly scatological story about Nick Murder, a middle-aged blue-collar New Yorker (James Gandolfini) whose wife (Susan Sarandon) discovers that he has a much younger and rather trashy mistress (Kate Winslet), never really melds into a coherent whole.

It's funny in parts, as Sarandon gives Gandolfini a fiery piece of her mind; it's rousing in others, as the cast mime or sing along not to new songs but to 'authors of our time' such as Tom Jones, Bruce Springsteen, James Brown and Engelbert Humperdinck. But the musical is so scatty and disorganised that you find yourself merely waiting for the next star turn to come along.

Steve Buscemi plays the erring husband's friend, who regards women purely as emotionally difficult sexual objects; Christopher Walken plays an ageing Elvis Presley fan who gets in on the act; and there are also fleeting appearances from Eddie Izzard and Elaine Stritch. The latter, as Murder's mother, delivers the sharpest and most knowing performance of all.

For the rest, no one could complain about lack of enthusiasm. Winslet, in particular, seems pleased to be playing the reverse of an English Rose and clearly enjoys swearing like a trooper, while Sarandon has a scene at the end which sees her at her best.

But Turturro's direction lets it all hang out without seeming to consider structure. Frankly, Romance & Cigarettes is a mess. Engaging at times, perhaps, but annoyingly unable to keep itself on a properly even keel.

Romance & Cigarettes
Cert: 15