Champneys

(01442 291000; www.champneys.com)

WHERE: Wigginton, Herts (five miles from Berkhamsted - 50 mins from Euston). Russet Victorian mansion with modern garden wing in topiaried parkland.

WHO GOES: Broods of girlfriends, corpulent corporates (38 per cent of the clientele are male), mother/daughter daycombos, weekend couples (average age 35-65).

SPA CREDO: Founded in 1925 as a lettuce-and-lemon juice-cure resort, now an expansive health-and-beauty hotel - mission statement is "Mind Body Soul". However, while therapists blithely spout phrases of spiritual connotation, the feel is nonprogressive Home Counties country house for outofshapesters semi-determined to change it. A 30-minute health consultation is available at no extra charge.

SPA FACILITIES: 42 pale, clean treatment rooms; gym; two studios (dance/aerobics /pilates/yoga); 20 classes (including talks) daily; 15-metre indoor pool, indoor/ outdoor whirlpool tubs; two tennis courts, one squash; spinning room; hair salon; garden tours; jogging tracks; mountain biking; guided walks on 170-acre estate.

TREATMENTS: 110, from mini-facials (25 min, £28) to the wilder shores of craniosacral therapy (55 min, £70); medical treatments (breast examination, £40) and psychotherapy (1 hour min, £70). 43 beauticians work with Guinot, Clarins, Decleor and other brands; the Thalgo Men Only Treatment (55 min, £44), to an underwater Pachelbel soundtrack, featured a rigorous massage, yet the therapist seemed unable to explain in lay terms how warm seaweed, applied to the back, removes toxins. Similarly, the shiatsu practitioner - while inducing superb relaxation - was esoteric when quizzed, concluding: "It's touch - what you had as a baby." Very on-the-ball gym instructor, Justin: "The Fitball is the way forward - it creates core stability" (ie, doubly works stomach muscles as you sit on it, attempting to balance while dumbbell-lifting).

FOOD: The forte: crystalclear advice, focusing on portion control, from Ali Todd, head of nutrition and dietetics, using plastic food models to demonstrate ideal amounts (Revelations: 3oz fish or meat plus 3oz carb max per meal; bottle of wine a day equals 1lb flab a week). Chef Adam Palmer steams, bakes and pre-marinates a flavourful menu (steamed Cornish sea bass on organic brown basmati rice with grilled veg); The light-diet option (1,000 kcal a day) promises 2lb a week off - easy to copy at home. Singles tables. Own organic kitchen garden.

ACCOMMODATION: From corporate-functional (patterned carpets) to faux-Georgian - the music room is a delightful retreat, with sash windows and silence, save for piped classics. There's also a Japanesque atrium with fake blossom tree and herbal teas. Among 78 rooms and suites, mine (16) was fine - salmon fitted carpet, framed architectural prints, minibar posing as a chest of drawers - though the bathroom was unimpressive: tired old grouting, tiny plastic showerhead. Despite this, the place feels almost world-class.

SERVICE: 235 staff, smart and businesslike. Charming Moroccan maitre d'.

RECOMMENDED PACKAGE: Champneys Relaxing offers two nights from £490pp full-board. Includes five treatments. Or discuss a tailor-made deal.

TIP: Ask if the bedroom radiators can be turned down - suite 16 felt like a midnight sauna treatment.