Brush up on your curling

A record-breaking TV audience watched when British Olympic curling captain Rhona Martin gracefully slid her stone into its gold-medal-winning position. Luckily, when I tried to copy her, no one was watching.

I ended up flat on my face when I tried a beginners' package at Britain's top curling hotel - the four-star North West Castle in Stranraer, owned by British captain Hammy McMillan.

I had a secret notion that I might be rather good at this 500-year-old Scottish activity. After all, it looked easy on TV, and with all that brushing, some English armchair critics described it as 'housework on ice'.

Obviously, they've never been to North West Castle, a shrine to what the Scots call 'the roaring game' after the noise the stone makes as it skids across the ice.

It has its own curling rink and instructors. Walls are decorated with portraits of top curlers, paintings of ancient curling scenes, curling banners, pennants and lists of trophy winners. Even the carpet pattern is a series of curling stones.

But my first attempt at the sport proved a rude awakening. The first hint that it wasn't as easy as it looks came when instructor Jim Young handed me my curling shoes - one with a slippery sole, one with a grippy one. For curlers skate on one foot, pushing with the other.

When the Olympians move, it looks like ballet. I looked like a drunk getting an electric shock.

Forget making an accurate throw - standing upright was the first problem. 'I can see this is going to be difficult,' Jim muttered as I grabbed his arm for support. He may teach schoolchildren, but an overzealous, uncoordinated beginner presented a new challenge. But Scotland's curling teachers will have to get used to it - all the signs point to an invasion of curling wannabes.

Hopefully they'll all find a teacher as good as Jim, for within half an hour he'd shown me all the basics, including standing up. I could now launch myself from the starting block, or 'hack', and slide forward, brush in one hand for balance and 44lbs of granite in the other.

The next skill is knowing when to let go. Too soon and it hurtles into the back wall. Too late, and you'll slide down the aisle with your stone, looking ridiculous.

And that is where curling is great fun. I was hooting with laughter at my own mistakes. Even Jim managed a chuckle. Had there been a gang of us it would have been hilarious.

Yet I ended up punching the air as if I'd won an Olympic final when I sent a stone down the 30-metre track to land close to the bull's eye, or 'house'.

Was this my inherent ability revealing itself - or a total fluke? Jim neglected to tell me.

My final lesson was in the brushing technique, which can make a stone go 12ft further.

Unfortunately my brushing was far too dainty to make any difference. In fact, I couldn't move quick enough and the stone hit me, stopping dead.

Oh well, I probably just need a few more lessons - just to fine-tune my inherent ability, you understand.

? Full-board curling weekends, including tuition, at North West Castle (01776 704413, www.northwestcastle.co.uk) cost from £110 per person for two nights. Go (0870 607 6543) offers flights to Glasgow from London Stansted, Bristol and Belfast. Return fares start from £35. Visit www.go-fly.com.