All-in plan works wonders in Antigua

Better to be a snob than a slob," says Howard Hulford, owner of Curtain Bluff, as he explains why his wife Chelle won't allow ketchup bottles on the tables. You bet. I wouldn't be seen dead in one of those ghastly all-inclusive resorts, full of lurid people with lobster backs sloshing equally lurid drinks from plastic cups. Snob? So what?

Strange, then, that I've ended up at Curtain Bluff, which has been "all-inclusive" for more than 10 years. Difference is, those clever Hulfords call it the "comprehensive plan" and it works like a charm on the middle-aged Americans and Brits who sport CB stickers and use the hotel like a country club. If you ever wondered where company presidents go to play, this is it. It's strictly spouses only, and mid-morning Bloody Marys is as wicked as it gets.

The Hulfords have owned CB for 40 years. Not surprisingly, repeat guests have become friends. Nowadays, they bring their grandchildren and everyone seems happy with the comfy time warp of dressing for dinner and foxtrots on the patio.

CB's beachfront junior suites - over-sized bed, tub, shower and sofa - are snuggle-down heaven, but there's no TV, sound system or air conditioning. Neither do they have room keys or hairdryers. It's eccentric, it's exclusive, so why go all-inclusive?

"It just evolved," said Hulford. "We always ask our guests what they want. We always included dinner, then we threw in watersports, lunch and drinks. These guys handle money all the time. They like to relax and not think about it down here."

Antigua is unique in the Caribbean for being a tropical idyll whose hotels are all-inclusive. I checked out three of the most exclusive and found it worked. At Jumby Bay, an all-in plan has been the natural way to go. It reminded me of Mustique without the cachet. Villa owners include Lord Sainsbury and the must-have accessory is a croquet lawn. Hardly sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, but not everyone wants to meet mantis-thin chicks on the beach.

Two years ago, Jumby was acquired by respected Austrian hotelier Heinz Simonitsch, owner of Jamaica's Half Moon Resort. But the hotel is back on the market. Rumour is that Simonitsch is selling out to upmarket tour operator Abercrombie and Kent.

Looks-wise, I wish they'd dump the ditsy rugs and the horrendous concrete pool - it could compete with Barbados's finest. Dinner after cocktails on the Gone with the Wind gabled verandah is the day's highlight. Last stop was Galley Bay, a favourite among British couples, known for its surfers' beach and Long Islandstyle decking. It was here that the all-inclusive truth struck home - I was eating three cooked meals a day. By this stage in the trip I'd regressed to childhood comfort food - boiled egg and toasted soldiers for breakfast, fish and chips with ketchup for lunch. Worse, I'd started to look forward to the tiny whitebread fish-paste sandwiches with afternoon tea.

I loved it, and recommend this indulgence therapy to anyone. But insist on a beachfront room in the new wing. The thatched Gauguin cottages may look sweet but some designer thought it a good idea to have the bedroom in a different building to the bathroom and dressing area, separated only by a screened terrace.

I'm sure fellow guests didn't clamour to see me naked, but I could never remember where I'd left my robe, earrings, hairbrush or lipstick. Dumb? Maybe. But the whole point of an all-inclusive holiday is that, for a few days, you can leave your brains behind.

? Jill Hartley travelled to Antigua with Caribtours (020 7751 0660; www.caribtours. co.uk). Seven nights at Jumby Bay from £2,983pp; at Curtain Bluff from £2,841pp; at Galley Bay from £1,908pp.

Destination guide: Antigua